Watch me strike a match on all my wasted time

So Lauren and Catherine are teaching me to holler again, since I forgot.

I am obsessed with the new TGS bc it's oh so quotable (and it helped me brush up on my white girl gangster).

I feel like this whole ordeal will be better than the last one because I will be able to wipe away and pretend I never met everyone involved with it a lot easier than the last time. I hope it doesn't come to that, but at least this time my life will simply begin a new chapter instead of being purposefully ruined by other parties. 

I've officially broken out the Taylor Swift music I own. Next it will be Kelly Clarkson. Then I will hate all men. 

I'm doing that thing where I cancel on social engagements in order to save gas. I mean, hanging out with Josh wasn't so social as it was creepy, but still, I didn't have to come over to the Raleys yesterday afternoon, but think of the gas I saved by coming directly here from Spring Hill as opposed to going home and THEN coming here this evening. Lynzee wants to hang out tomorrow, but seeing as I have to be here at the Raleys' by 5ish, I see no point in driving all of the way home tonight and then back here tomorrow. Lynzee can meet me at the Shell Station is she wants to see me so badly.

I need a new text buddy. You know, that guy friend who you text pretty much all day every day simply because you have nothing better to do than update each other on th goings ons in your life? Catherine has Jordin and Brett and Lauren has Matt Hayes and Taylor. None of my best guy friends text because they suck. I wish I had Kevin Swenson's number because I know I could find more than a few things to talk to him about (like his overall hotttttt mess status) haha. 

I'm going to Lynzee's graduation and party on Friday and will be accompanied by Brett and bby Ashton. Jealous, ladies? 

Alexa, it is impossible for me to comment your blog

I figured if I put it in the subject line, you'd be more likely to notice. But yeah, I've tried commenting your last 2 blogs and was unable to so idk what's up with that.

I listened to "A Conversation" from BH's 2nd album, not a light task. It made me think a lot though.

My mom and I talked today about my situation with Jon. I basically told her I was sick of this happening and I'm establishing a 6 month rule from now until I find my soulmate because I feel like it's totally doable to get out of that unscathed....maybe 3 months would be better.

I've had this feeling of complete peace about this whole situation for the past 3 or 4 days and I couldn't put a finger on where and when I've felt it before. I realized that it was right before Jon and I started dating. He told me at the Raleys' house that we would never date because we lived so far away and instead of getting upset at rejection or whatever it was, I just went home. In the car this peace just kind of settled on me and I knew that everything was going to work out the way it was supposed to, either way. I guess things often end as they begin, luckily in this situation it was with hope for the future instead of the sting of loss.

I find I can't listen to Bradley Hathaway anymore, but that I enjoy all of my other music a lot more, since music is so rarely about life being perfect.

Jon asked if I had kissed John Gold on Friday when we were all in Ybor. I said that was pretty much the last thing that I would do with John Gold....I feel like him kissing a girl would just cause his fragile heart to break with no explanation or reason. I do, however, love that kid with all of my heart.

Single. Ladies. Party.

Best idea I've ever had in my life coming at you.

I'm returning to Clearwater on Thursday instead of Saturday, so I will have the house to myself for two nights, so I was going to just go crash in my room at the Raleys' for those days bc I don't want to be alone (although, I could always get a Jewish boy to keep me warm...by buying me a mink blanket...and with his body, I spose. But neither of those things sound really fun.) 

Anyway, then Catherine suggested that she come down to Clearwater and I LOVED that idea. Then I got talking to Alli about the welcome home cake she promised me and then I decided she should make me a single ladies cake.....and then it came to me: we should take those two nights in Clearwater and have a single ladies party, no boys (without at least a 500k yearly salary/allowance and at least 50% Jew in him) allowed! Clearwater has everything single ladies love (well at least, my guls and I): Bennigans (one of the two open in the area), Jamba Juice (1 of 4 in the state), the beach (sunsets are nice), Mel's bday party on Friday night, movies, no parents, and an entire tourist town full of dem boys to seduce and conquer (or just to go out to dinner with and never speak to again. I went to dinner with a snowbird I met once, it was fun AND he paid...maybe HE was part Jewish). 

So basically I'm taking this (quazi?) breakup in stride, enjoying a weekend with my guls hopefully, and then moving on to better (and richer) conquests. 

"Are you drinking Gin?" "I'm not the alcoholic here, lady."

My uncle who is visiting from New Jersey has stage 4 lung cancer. My mom chose today to tell me like the day before he got here. It's so hard to hide your shock and sorrow from the person when you're told a day ahead of time. 

I literally drank a liter of soda and like, 5 bottles of water today. Mostly because I have a scotch glass and a computer and I'm sitting on a porch looking out at the ocean. I need a cigarette, then I'll feel like a writer punching out my latest hit......Ernest Hemingway lived in the keys, I guess I'm channeling my inner-him. He also killed himself though...but I just wikipedia'd it and he was in Idaho, so I'm straight. 

I've literally texted over 300 times in the past 24 hours. Literally. I counted. Did I mention the keys can get boring?

I'm sitting on the 2nd floor porch of the house we're renting in Marathon, looking out at the Atlantic Ocean, which I have equated to a metaphor for life: it's like an ocean, you can see pretty effing far into it, but you can never see the whole thing.

I've been metaphorizing life in the past 48 hour every time I could. I equated my 7 hour drive down here alone as symbolic of being able to life my life without Jon. And yes, there were several times when I sat there hyperventilating on the side of the road when I wanted to turn around and just give up, but I made it. There were some really ridiculous ones, but I can't remember them now. They were on par with something like, idk, Eve is mixing a drink in a blender, which is like my life and sanity spinning around rather chaotically to make a tasty beverage in the end. That wasn't one, but that is how ridiculous it got.

My mom is playing some crap cover of "I Will Always Love You" and it's making nauseated. I just looked over and told her that the sultry sounds of this Whiney Houston are chasing the fish next to house away. 

An amazing thing happened today: I got tan-ish. I laid out for an hour reading magazines and sipping a cold beverage (an all purpose remedy to any bad feelings) and went inside an hour later and was amazingly tan. Mission for this vacation: accomplished. That's what you get when your skin is transparent, it just sucks the sun up.

I hope think Catherine is going to put a hit out on Jon. 

I saw two people I know from Miami in Publix today. How random is that? We're all at least 100 miles from our respective homes and we met in the grocery store. I might hang out with them tonight, idk.

I'm going home early to have a besties weekend maybe in Clearwater with Catherine and maybe Lauren. As usual, my social calendar is filled to capacity, I have no time for this vacation crap. I forgot what it was like to be busy simply showing up to things because people love you. Going away to college helped some too because no one has gotten any Brenna time in almost a year for most. 

I decided that since I live in the wealthiest neighborhood in Pinellas County (according to the internet, I did my research when we moved there...mostly to estimate how much  fender bender would cost me in that neighborhood since I'm so effing prone to them), that I'm going to holler at one of the many SICKENINGLY wealthy Jewish boys who summer there. I'm over dating people I like, they're always poor and it always ends badly, so I'm going to date someone I can get stuff from. He can make it rain....with $20s! All of my old boyfriends could barely make it hail.....with pennies. Awwwww.

I actually saw Grant with my own eyes. Allison, get on that!

Today is Mother's Day. It's literally the only reason I drove down here. Eve would have flipped her Sh... if I hadn't come. However, she did appreciate it, or at least I think that's what she said. Honestly I haven't heard the woman's sober voice since Thursday. Yes, she has voices. It's like she's schizo, but whatever, it clearly lets me know hoe far from reason she is.  

Last night while sitting in on my front step, being hit by a sprinkler, at three in the morning, talking on the phone I realized what means most to me in this world and what I need to do to keep from losing it.

I might be rooming with Alexa in the Spring, if I don't take an academic leave of absence. I'm pretty stoked that I won't be living with some random.

Last night I hung out with John Gold and his band and Lauren, Catherine, and Gabby in Ybor after their show. SO fun. When we were pulling out of the parking garage I pulled a huge wad of singles out of my wallet and said "Imma make it rain on dem hos," and then looked at the parking attendant and said, "Oh, not on you sir, you are not a ho, you can continue with your job." He probably thought I was drunk. It WAS Ybor, afterall. 

I bought new shoes yesterday, always a blog-worthy event.

Only little girls and whores wear red shoes.

I'm stoked on JG&TOS shows at sketch places like the crow bar where I can legally go now. It'll be a 180 from regular shows: there won't be 14 year old sceney scenes all up on him, as Catherine and I discussed, it'll be 40 year old biker women named Roxie and Candy with leather and cigarettes and leather skin. SEW HAWT. He'll def. find a keeper there. Man, I love JG.

I just remembered that time I drove JG home from Liz's and he made me stop in the middle of the street so he could mess with his neighbor's Christmas display, but they had chained the snowman to a tree because he had moved it earlier in the day and he BOLTED into my car and made me speed away.  

I got my job back at IMEX, so I'll be up in Brooksville a lot during the summer even before we move back when I'm not interning. Gotta make that cash money, Scroggins is not going on a diet.

I have two exams tomorrow. F. M. L.

24 hours from now, Jon and Eve should be at the FL/GA border, 4 hours into the best ride of their lives. 

Westy STILL won't leave me the eff alone. He called me yesterday. CALLED. Texting is one thing, but reaching out for vocal contact is just going too far. It has gone from funny to really creepy. I need to stop telling him the truth because "My boyfriend and I haven't really talked in a week or so" doesn't translate to "We both have had exams and work and sleep." To creepers it means, like so many things, "Take me, I'm yours." Sadly, I will tentatively be "water girl-ing" (read: standing on the sidelines telling the boys to get their own damn water) with Catherine for HCA's Spring Game.....I can almost feel Westy's heavy, serial killer-esque breath on the back of my neck, making it all clammy. Gross. Imma need some serious man candy with me that day....or maybe Brett, he's always looking for someone to smack up. Or Matty Matt, who is not candy, but is super sweet. Andrew and Johnny? Bby Ashton? Pearson Rinard has to be at least 10 by now. Idk, I need to work that out. 

In studying Greek Mythology, I keep being reminded of the Disney classic "Hercules." That movie was the jam, and SO inaccurate. "Clash of the Titans" was legit though, I remember watching that in class in 9th grade. 

I'll be in the Tampa area on Friday. Eve will probably be taking me back to Belleair, so if anyone does a beach day, that should be the day because the next day I'm being whisked off to the keys to hunt for buried treasure and sleep 16 hours a day.